One thought came into my mind recently: life is a race, and in many ways, it will always feel like a race.
It doesn’t matter how good your life is in absolute terms; if you feel like everyone else is doing better, it can make you feel like you’re losing. And when you feel like you’re losing, it’s easy to start feeling worthless.
Take a student who scores reasonably well but ranks 27th in a class of 30. That child might feel unintelligent, not because of their actual capability, but because of how they’re positioned relative to others. In reality, they may be part of an exceptionally high-performing class or might even rank well across a larger sample, like the entire grade or district. But comparison distorts perspective.
How deeply that comparison affects someone often depends on:
- How much attention they place on that specific hierarchy
- Whether they rank higher in other areas (fitness, creativity, appearance, social skills, etc.)
- How visible or noticeable the gap is between them and others
We’re wired to compare. It’s a social, evolutionary instinct. And it shapes how we feel about ourselves. Sometimes it motivates us to ise. Other times, it demoralizes us, especially if the gap feels too large to close.
In such cases, people may start to internalize their position in the hierarchy. They stop trying. They being to accept their role quietly, sometimes permanently.
Consider someone in a friend group who earns the least. Over time they may come to see themselves as “less successful”. Or the friend who had early success might permanently be labeled “the smart one” in the group, even if others eventually catch up or surpass them.
When you fall too low in a given hierarchy, it can feel like the game is already lost.
But here’s where the story shifts.
There are two key factors in comparison:
- The dimension of comparison
- The scope of comparison – how many people and domains you’re comparing yourself across
The truth is, it’s incredibly rare for someone to be at the bottom in every domain. In fact, it’s statistically unlikely.
This brings some hope back into the conversation.
Because life has many dimensions. Infinite, even. Maybe you’re not the smartest in your group but you’re the funniest. Or the best listener. Or incredibly skilled at painting, sailing, deep-sea diving, or catching a specific type of fish.
The moment you discover the thing you’re uniquely good at, a niche, a strength, an unusual advantage. You can start climbing the ranks in that dimension. It may not be the most visible or rewarded one in society, but it can bring you fulfillment, pride, and contribution.
And when you contribute something valuable, you matter. You earn your place, not in someone else’s race, but your own.
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